New research led by Dr. Sue Johnson of the University of Ottawa's School of Psychology confirms that those with a truly felt loving connection to their partner seem to be calmer, stronger and more resilient to stress and threat.
In the first part of the study, which was recently published in PLOS ONE, couples learned how to reach for their lover and ask for what they need in a Hold Me Tight conversation. They learned the secrets of emotional responsiveness and connection.
The second part of the study, summarized here, focused on how this also changed their brain. It compared the activation of the female partner's brain when a signal was given that an electric shock was pending before and after the Hold Me Tight conversation.
The experiment explored three different conditions. In the first, the subject lay alone in a scanner knowing that when she saw a red X on a screen in front of her face there was a 20% chance she would receive a shock to her ankles. In the second, a male stranger held her hand throughout the same procedure. In the third, her partner held her hand. Subjects also pressed a screen after each shock to rate how painful they perceived it to be.
Before the Hold Me Tight conversation, even when the female partner was holding her mate's hand, her brain became very activated by the threat of the shock especially in areas such as the inferior frontal gyrus, anterior insula, frontal operculum and orbitofrontal cortex, where fear is controlled. These are all areas that process alarm responses. Subjects also rated the shock as painful under all conditions.
However, after the partners were guided through intense bonding conversations (a structured therapy titled Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy or EFT), the brain activation and reported level of pain changed under one condition. While the shock was again described as painful in the alone and in the stranger hand holding conditions (albeit with some small change compared to before), the shock was described as merely uncomfortable when the husband offered his hand. Even more interesting, in the husband hand-holding condition, the subject's brain remained calm with minimal activation in the face of threat.
These results support the effectiveness of EFT and its ability to shape secure bonding. The physiological effects are exactly what one would expect from more secure bonding. This study also adds to the evidence that attachment bonds and their soothing impact are a key part of adult romantic love. Results shed new light on other positive findings on secure attachment in adults, suggesting the mechanisms by which safe haven contact fosters more stability and less reactivity to threat.
It is worth noting that after therapy, contact comfort from the partner changed how the brain perceived threat as it was encoded, states Johnson. Feeling loved and connected literally means we live in a safer world. This helps us make sense of the many documented positive mental and physical health benefits of dependable loving connection. We really are stronger and safer together.
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